There once was a farmer who had 3 daughters who are all going out on their first date at the same time. The farmer being protective of his daughters decided to meet their suitors at the front door with a shotgun.
The door bell rang and the farmer answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name is Joe im here for Flo we're goin to the show. Is she ready to go?" The farmer looked him over and sent the kids on their way.
The next lad came and said, "My name is Eddy, im here for Betty we're gonna gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" The farmer felt this one was OK too so off the 2 kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name is Chuck." The farmer shot him.
A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says happily.
A little while later he goes to McDonald's for lunch and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "I'd guess that you're 29?"
"Nope, I am actually 47." He's starting to feel really good about himself.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your penis for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."
As there was no one else around the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47,"
Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonald's".
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
One day Mr. A and Mr.B is going to a prostitution.
A : "Hey, lets get laid ! I'll pick the girl."
B : "Ok, go ahead."
So A pick a girl and took her to a room start getting laid. Meanwhile B is waiting outside drinking and chatting with other girls.
After a few moments A came out of the room so B approached him and asked...
B : "So ? How was it ?"
A : "Hmm... I think my wife is still better at it."
B : "Oh really ? Lemme try her then."
A : "Sure, knock yourself out."
So B went in the same room with the same girl and start getting laid while A waited outside.
After a few moments B came out of the room and A asked..
A : "How was it to you ?"
B : "Hmm.... you're right, your wife is better."
A :"?!?!?!?!??!?!"
